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  1. #11
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    Jul 2009
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    1,065
    I've always loved this, because it's my dog to a tee (forgive American spellings - I just cut and pasted it):

    The Dog's Diary

    8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
    9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
    9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
    10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
    12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
    1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
    3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
    5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
    7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
    8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
    11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!



    The Cat's Diary

    Day 983 of My Captivity

    My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

    The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. *******s!


    There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

    Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

    I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...


  2. #12
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    Jun 2009
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    Bosscat, I love this! The only thing I would comment on however is that my cat is very partial to boiled ham and has a habit of looking at bowls of cat food as something to be ignored until a tastier alternative is offered..Carol


  3. #13
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    Jul 2009
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    Quote QUOTE: View Post
    Bosscat, I love this! The only thing I would comment on however is that my cat is very partial to boiled ham and has a habit of looking at bowls of cat food as something to be ignored until a tastier alternative is offered..Carol
    My cat (he went to the Rainbow Bridge on 8th February 2007) was a notoriously fussy eater, but became outrageously so in his last two years when he was suffering from chronic renal failure. We used to buy all sorts of food to try to persuade him to eat (fresh chicken, fish, etc), as he wouldn't touch the special renal food and we took the view it was better he ate something. He lasted 18 months longer than the vet predicted, however and we took him to be put to sleep only when we could see he wasn't happy any more.

    The dog - he'll eat anything. On his walk just now he found a mouldy tomato and it didn't touch the sides on its way down.


  4. #14
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    Jul 2009
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    Quote QUOTE: View Post
    I've always loved this, because it's my dog to a tee (forgive American spellings - I just cut and pasted it):

    The Dog's Diary

    8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
    9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
    9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
    10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
    12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
    1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
    3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
    5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
    7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
    8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
    11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!



    The Cat's Diary

    Day 983 of My Captivity

    My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

    The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. *******s!


    There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

    Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

    I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...
    To be posted VERY LOW on fridge door- nose height. Dear Dogs and Cats. The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish. nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. the stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not an the object. Tripping me do'snt help because I fall faster than you can run. Do not think I will I will continue sleeping on the settee to ensure your comfort.Dogs and cats can can curl up into a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent.Also I have been using the bathroom for years.. canine or feline attendance is not mandatory. To be continued Carol:D


  5. #15
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    1,065
    To my dog: barking ferociously at poor old Kyria Maria (the local matriarch who owns the land all around us) whenever we pass her will not endear you or us to her. We're hoping for copious quantities of free veg when they harvest again this year, so shut your snout!


  6. #16
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    Jul 2009
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    Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because: 1. Eat less. 2. Don't ask for money all the time. 3.Are easier to train. 4. Usually come when called. 5. Never drive your car. 6. Don't smoke or drink. 7.Don't worry about the latest fashions. 8.Don't wear your clothes. 9. Don't need a million pounds for college. 10. If they get pregnant you can sell their children. Carol.


  7. #17
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    Nov 2009
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    1,616
    Quote QUOTE: View Post
    Well it is in the Telegraph........;)

    And I have an interest, here's my 4.5 yr old English Springer Spaniel
    What a cute pooch but who is the smartest, the dog chasing the ball in the snow and getting all wet or the cat snoozing in front of the radiator and barely lifting an eyelid. :D


  8. #18
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    Jul 2009
    Posts
    1,065
    I'll never forget the first time my cat went out into the snow. The sight of him trying desperately to avoid setting each paw down sustains me in darker moments.


  9. #19
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    Nov 2009
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    Quote QUOTE: View Post
    I'll never forget the first time my cat went out into the snow. The sight of him trying desperately to avoid setting each paw down sustains me in darker moments.
    And the way they seem to lift their tummy up when they are walking gingerly so that it doesn't touch the snow ;) Nothing worse than a soggy belly...


  10. #20
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    Quote QUOTE: View Post
    And the way they seem to lift their tummy up when they are walking gingerly so that it doesn't touch the snow ;) Nothing worse than a soggy belly...
    The snow affects my dogs , they go crazy. It's soooo much fun. I do feel for my two girls though, squatting down for a pee. Getting freezing cold snow touching the nether regions? The boys! They dont care. But RAIN! They all hate it. One comes back in and dries herself on the towel she can pull down from the towel rail in the bathroom. I have a stock of doggy towels and human ones. But love em all to bits. Carol


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