Benefit Cheat all at Sea………..

Be sure your sins will find you out, goes the old saying, and that has certainly been the case for 45 year old Sean Graham from Paignton, Devon. Whilst claiming £34,000 in benefits saying he was unemployed, he was living the highlife as an entertainer on board a Brittany Ferries vessel.

He signed on every two weeks when he got back from sailing from Plymouth to Spain, Torquay magistrates heard.
He was given a 12-week jail sentence, suspended for two years.
The Jobcentre worker from Paignton was on a mini-cruise to Santander in April 2009 when he recognised Grahame as a claimant who came into his office.
The Jobcentre staff member then contacted the Department of Work and Pensions (DWP), which began an investigation, the DWP said.
Grahame, who admitted four offences, was also ordered to do 250 hours of unpaid work.
I bet he couldn’t believe his bad luck!

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Tommy Cooper revisited…….

For those of you who missed this the first time round. Here we go……….. enjoy! This is absolutely nothing to do with cruise ships etc but hey ho!Sent to me by Tony from Hull, along with many other funnies over the last twelve months. Keep them coming Tony!
Subject: Fw: tommy cooper one-liners

1 . Two blondes walk into a building……….you’d think at least one of them would have seen it.
2. Phone answering machine message – ‘…If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key…’
3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, ‘Well, I can clearly see you’re nuts.’
4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, ‘No, the steaks are too high.’
6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
7 . A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, ‘Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!’The doctor replied, ‘I know you can’t, I’ve cut your arms off’.
8. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a muscle.
9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it.
10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says ‘I’ll give you some cream to put on it.’
12. ‘Doc I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home’
‘That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. Is it common?’It’s not unusual.’
13. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. ‘My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?’
‘Well,’ said the vet, ‘let’s have a look at him’
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, ‘I’m going to have to put him down.’ ‘What? Because he’s cross-eyed?’
‘No, because he’s really heavy’
14. Guy goes into the doctor’s. ‘Doc, I’ve got a cricket ball stuck up my bottom.’
‘How’s that?’
‘Don’t you start.’
15. Two elephants walk off a cliff…boom, boom!
16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
17.. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me ‘Can you give me a lift?’
I said ‘Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it..’
18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It’s either my mum or my Dad, or my older brother Colin, or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it’s Colin.
19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other ‘Your round.’ The other one says ‘So are you, you fat bastard!’
20. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
21. ‘You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, ‘Parking Fine.’ So that was nice.’
22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, ‘I’ve hurt my arm in several places’
The doctor said, ‘Well don’t go there anymore’
23.. Ireland ‘s worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 2826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

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I’m heading for the christmas Markets of Europe…..

For those of you who regularly read our blogs you will know that most of my colleagues are looking forward to the Company christmas cruise this weekend. I have decided not to go this year as I need to spend the weekend packing for my trip on the Balmoral leaving Southampton on Monday.

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Please Vote for Me………………..

Thank you again to all of you who read my blog regularly and give me feedback. I have really enjoyed writing the posts over the last twelve months, as well as speaking to many of you.
Next weekend at the annual Christmas Party there will be a prize for the most popular blog so I would be really grateful if you could just click on the red button on the right and VOTE FOR ME!
Thank you again for all your support.

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P & O Cruises hit rock bottom………..

…….. and that is great news for all you cruisers out there. Many of their up coming cruises have been drastically reduced in price, so if you are looking for a bargain – look no further.

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Still at home putting my feet up – not out of choice!

Further to last weeks post I am still at home – bored, bored, bored. Can’t do much as I am having to keep the weight off my left foot. Tomorrow I get the results from my surgeon so hopefully it will be good news and I can get back to work. I have included some photos, but be warned, they are not pretty!

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My Left Foot…… not starring Daniel Day Lewis

I should think that everyone at Cruise.co.uk thinks they’ve gone deaf this week. I’m away from the office after what was supposed to be a minor operation on my foot. As it turned out this lump went into my foot quite deep and has gone to the lab to be identified. The surgeon had never seen anything like it – nice!
I fully expected to be back in the office on Monday but my surgeon has told me that I have to stay at home until he has seen me next week. Have you ever watched daytime TV? If there is just one good reason for going out to work that has to be it – it’s dreadful!
However, now I’m feeling a bit more like myself I will try to be in touch more often, maybe with some more pictures of my QE visit last weekend. I still have some great carpet photos to reveal!

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The Secret Life of a Cruise Consultant…..

 Cricket Groupie.
This coming Sunday sees the end of another Cricket season at Alvechurch and Hopwood Cricket Club, favourite haunt of my youngest son Tom who has played there for the last four seasons, and what a fantastic year it has been. He has played for the Under 15’s, and the Senior 2nd and 4th teams most weekends, notching up some serious runs and taking some very impressive wickets. He is currently working on his spin bowling so he tells me. This is obviously going to be next seasons secret weapon!

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Thinking about a cruise for the whole family next year?

Well my advice is to book it as soon as possible. We’ve had another bumper weekend in the office, and many people calling in are surprised by the limited availibility for next summer. Triple and quad cabins are already very booked up and won’t be around for much longer.

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Fred Olsen are offering some fantastic late deals this autumn……….

For those of you who just didn’t get round to it this summer, or those of you who are looking to squeeze in some sunshine before the festive season is upon us there are some great last minute offers from good old Freds.

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