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Rules for pets!

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    Rules for pets!

    Read this a few years ago.... So true and so funny. Apologies if you have read it before.

    Rules for pets:

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. Stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
    I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

    For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, bark, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

    The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

    To return the kindness of your obedience, my dear pets, I have posted the following on our front door so visitors to our home know what the rules are here:

    Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets
    1. They live here. You don't.
    2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
    3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
    4. To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted children who are short, hairy and walk on all fours. Although they don't speak clearly, they communicate extremely well, especially my cats.
    5. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called (this does not apply to cats), never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college. Also, if they get pregnant, you can sell the children!


    Hope it makes you smile



    sigpic*Carol M*

    #2
    Good one, Carol
    Respect
    sigpic
    Tiggertom
    shaken, not purred

    Comment


      #3
      Very cool!

      Comment


        #4
        Love it!!!

        Cheers,
        Lynn

        Comment


          #5
          Hope you all will enjoy it!
          Daughter said today when she went to the toilet.. 'What happenned to that Rules for pets thingy?' As her springer spaniel was desperately trying to get in to the toilet. I found it and although she had read it several times she had tears streaming down her face ... she found it so funny again!

          Good to have a smile now and again
          sigpic*Carol M*

          Comment


            #6
            My darling cat Suki used to sit beside the radiator in the hall and when anybody went to the loo she used to go in with them. Regular visitors managed to stop her getting in or ignored her but newbies were put off by her watching them.
            She was a cheeky monkey.
            sigpic
            Tiggertom
            shaken, not purred

            Comment


              #7
              Absoultely great, I cannot smile for laughing, you cheered me up on a miserable Saturday evening. I am going to curl up on the sofa now with - you guessed - my faithfull, loveable dog who is getting older but not wiser but I love him to bits.
              Oriana
              Oceana
              Ventura
              Queen Mary 2
              Queen Victoria
              Queen Elizabeth

              Comment


                #8
                My two dogs have lain on a settee each - full stretch, letting me watch the Proms in peace! They must have enjoyed it too as my avatar, Pip, usually brings a ball if I appear too settled.

                Comment


                  #9
                  These are my three cats asleep bang in the middle of the bed - maybe they haven't read the rules yet

                  Comment


                    #10
                    I woke up yesterday morning & couldn't see my 5 month old kitten. I said out loud "where's the cat?" & felt a tapping on my back!

                    She likes to follow me into the bathroom, & almost had a bath with me last weekend ...
                    2018-
                    Queen Victoria - Mediterranean Explorer

                    2019 -
                    NCL Getaway - Norway and Iceland
                    Adventure of the Seas - Fall Foliage

                    2020 -
                    Jewel of the Seas - Abu Dhabi & Dubai
                    Magellan - Panama Canal

                    Comment


                      #11
                      loved it....................

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Hi Carol,

                        Great, it made me laugh, if only because so much of it is true. Thanks for taking the time to post.

                        Cheers
                        Bob

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Hi All!
                          Pleased it is making some of you smile

                          My only problem apart from all the others is..... Football rules

                          One of mine is obsessed by her 'Indestructaball' (Dont believe it, they are destructable)
                          She can bend it like Beckham and would earn a fortune if she was a he and human!

                          But.... her only problem is, she hates it when sat waiting on the lawn for you to go and throw or kick it and has started to bring it up one step into the kitchen. NO, no. Dogs water dishes go flying and I do too if I turn round and stand on it.
                          Football hooligan dog's ... whatever next?
                          sigpic*Carol M*

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Bella 10-13-2008-204.jpg
                            and Obi-Wan 10-13-2008-206.jpg



                            Been trying to figure out how to post photos for ages.....

                            Comment


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