Regrets I have a few....but then again, too few to mention.

[cruisewidower, pontefract]

How about you? 2020 has afforded many of us more time to consider our past via Covid. Couple this with advancing years and it has surely been a year for reflection. I have multiple regrets but I divide them into 2 types.
Type 1...Regrets about which I had little or no control eg .Exam results or illness.
Type2....Regrets resulting from my own decisions/indecision.
My default setting if someone says "shall we" has always been "Yes" unless drugs were involved or avoidable harm would befall someone as a result. This positivity has led me into many interesting experiences. This still leaves me with very few regrets and two that spring to mind are 1. I wish that I had learnt to play a musical instrument (I did try Pan Pipes ,Pedal Steel Guitar, Violin, Harmonica, and Ukulele ,but lacked patience/determination) 2. Skiing ..I have been.
to the top of a mountainous ski slope at Klagenfurt in Austria and enjoyed a dish of hot Goulash before descending by cable car.
Have you any regrets that you can safely share???

[sandraggg, Newcastle]

I wish I had sought out the opportunity to study and/or work abroad when I was younger.

[Yogini, Waterlooville]

That is a difficult question. There are things that I would change if I could go back, but not all can be listed in public.

I would have liked to move away from my area in my late teens, but didn't have the self confidence to do it.

[ev'n'clive, HENGOED]

No, I dont have any regrets, even my first marriage ( 25 years ) that bought lots of heartache but also my two sons........which then bought me 2 beautiful granddaughters and two lovely ( in the main ) DIL x Really didnt want to get married a second time but it has worked out really quitw well for the last 21 yrs......... Life is too short for regrets............... x hugs all x

[smtcan, Scarborough]

The only regret I had was that I had not worked harder in school and gone to university. Instead I went to teachers college. But, if my life hadn’t followed that course, I would never have met my husband who encouraged me to go to university in my forties and get a degree in economics and a bachelor of education. We have two sons, two truly wonderful daughters in law and four grandchildren, so life is good.

[Delboy, Essex]

I have no regrets, my motto enjoy the day rather than what might have been.

It did not start off too well, loosing my mother at such an early age, being placed into care, brought up without my father and two brothers who I only got to know In my late teens, but the longer life has gone on, the better it has got.

Been married to the same lady who herself was from a single parent family for over 55 years, which has given us a lovely close knit family of a Son and Daughter with 5 lovely grandchildren, the youngest two which have been adopted by our Son and DIL who herself were adopted.

It’s never been better than it is at the moment, covid aside, looking forward to our next big family event, our Daughters wedding in 2022.

Take life as it comes.

[cruisewidower, pontefract]

Reading Delboy's story about not getting to know his father has brought to mind another regret that I have , but which was not caused by me. When I was 76 I began to take an interest in my genetic history, health wise. I went over to Doncaster to visit my older middle sister and during the visit I mentioned that I was not too sure what my dad died from. I knew that he had suffered from emphysema through working down the pit, and also from recurring bouts of malaria after 26 years in the military which included 7 years in India/Burma .My sister asked me why I wanted to know, and I explained that my mother seemed a bit vague on the subject and I did wonder if my father had succumbed to some rare tropical disease or even Syphilis( soldiers being soldiers years ago). My sister responded..."I should not worry about it although he died of heart failure at the age of 76 ,BECAUSE HE WASN'T YOUR FATHER".
I really do regret the fact that my mother did not tell me before she died, it would have explained quite a few things. The positive thing to come out of it is that I discovered who my real father was and the existence of 5 half brothers and sisters in Stoke on Trent, who I hope to meet face to face post Covid. My three sisters also became my half sisters unfortunately.

[Issyalex, Glasgow]

Reading Delboy's story about not getting to know his father has brought to mind another regret that I have , but which was not caused by me. When I was 76 I began to take an interest in my genetic history, health wise. I went over to Doncaster to visit my older middle sister and during the visit I mentioned that I was not too sure what my dad died from. I knew that he had suffered from emphysema through working down the pit, and also from recurring bouts of malaria after 26 years in the military which included 7 years in India/Burma .My sister asked me why I wanted to know, and I explained that my mother seemed a bit vague on the subject and I did wonder if my father had succumbed to some rare tropical disease or even Syphilis( soldiers being soldiers years ago). My sister responded..."I should not worry about it although he died of heart failure at the age of 76 ,BECAUSE HE WASN'T YOUR FATHER".
I really do regret the fact that my mother did not tell me before she died, it would have explained quite a few things. The positive thing to come out of it is that I discovered who my real father was and the existence of 5 half brothers and sisters in Stoke on Trent, who I hope to meet face to face post Covid. My three sisters also became my half sisters unfortunately.

That must have been such a shock for you but the upside is you still have your sisters and you’ve gained a dad and 5 other siblings.

[Issyalex, Glasgow]

I regret staying in an abusive first marriage for 10 years but I have 2 wonderful daughters from that marriage.

I regret not asking my daddy more about his early life. He was orphaned when he was 2 and his brother was 8. I’d love to know which parent died first and what happened that they both died so young. I’d love to have known what his life was like in the orphanage run by Nuns and what his war experience was like in Egypt. Sadly He didn’t like to talk about either.

I don’t regret meeting my now hubby on Hogmanay 1988 and marrying him in 1992. Note to self............. I need to remember this during lockdown! 🙈😂😂😂

I don’t regret a minute of my 47 years in nursing but I do regret not applying to work in A&E when I was younger and not applying to do my children’s nurse training. I didn’t, and still do, think I’d have coped with a child dying. I regret waiting 30 years before doing my degree conversion course from Enrolled nurse (EN) to RN but I don’t regret the years that I was an EN. I left school at 15 with no ‘O’ levels, went to college for business studies, worked in an office which I hated then left to start my nurse training in 1973, obtained my SEN certificate in 1975, then obtained my RN degree in 2005 while still working full time.

life it too short to dwell on my regrets. It’s better to focus on my achievements and the great bits of my life and I’m now looking forward to see what my future holds.

[cruisewidower, pontefract]

That must have been such a shock for you but the upside is you still have your sisters and you’ve gained a dad and 5 other siblings.

It wasn't too much of a surprise as I knew that there was something "in the air" when my uncle's name came up. It turns out that he was my real father. When my "father" returned from India circa 1947 after a 7 year absence , my real father decamped to London, met a lady and married her, then moved to Stoke to get a house(This was in the days when there were lots of houses owned by the future NCB and the quick route to a home for a married man was to go down the mine and be awarded a "pit house") My real father then sired 5 kids! My sister can remember, in the early 1940s coming out of her bedroom, ..seeing a man's jacket hanging from my mother's bedroom door handle, being excited, thinking that her dad was home from the army , rushing in and being horrified to discover my mother in bed with my real father, my uncle by marriage.
I think that my real father was possibly my mothers true love. I am basing this on the news that even after my real father moved to London , she was still knitting socks for him and posting them to London(You younger members won't know about clothing coupons/rationing). I believe that my real father was a very fertile chap , as he was reputably paying 7 shillings and6 pence child maintenance to an illegitimate daughter in our local community He had 2 daughters to his first wife so that means that he had at least 9 ki
ds.
I seem to have inherited at least one of my real father's characteristics in that he apparently loved to get up and sing in the local Working men s' club, whilst I was no stranger to Karaoke . A relative who knew said that one of his favourite songs he sang regularly was the old standard I'VE GOT A LOVELY BUNCH OF COCONUTS....Make of that what you will !!!!!!!

[Yogini, Waterlooville]

I regret not asking my daddy more about his early life. .

My mother and grandmother used to talk about the places that they had lived, because my grandfather was in the British Army. One uncle was born in Malta, and another in India. My mum was born in Aldershot. I enjoyed hearing the stories about India in particular. By the time I was old enough to be more interested, there was no-one to ask. My mum died when I was 26, and both uncles not much later.

[cruisinpat, Cornwall]

Following on from all the adoption stories I regret not knowing my cousin who was adopted at birth. She would have been the only relative my age & as I was an only child I like to think we would have been good company for each other. Her Mum who was single at the time & barely 16 never mentioned her & went on to marry another man & had three sons. I’ve no idea where she was adopted or have any information to attempt to trace her....she’d be 63 now. Her Mum died several years ago.

Id like to wish all forum members a Happy New Year & pray the vaccine will restore some normality soon. This has been the worst year of my life with losing my wonderful husband far too soon. I’m still struggling to cope without him.

[cruisewidower, pontefract]

Carrying on from my previous story Re. my real father. The ex soldier who I always considered to be my birth father was aware that he was not my father as his mother wrote to him in India informing about my mother's affair. My regret is that I did not find out much sooner as it would have explained a few things. I remember asking him when he went bald and he said age 26. Ever since then I've been expecting to lose my hair any time soon which fortunately has not yet happened. I used to wonder why I never visited my grandmother on my fathers side. I just thought that she did not like my mother, and of course I was right but did not realise why. I never saw my soldier father, until I was about 6 years old and I lived with my three older sisters and my mother, so the fact that I was never particularly close to him was no surprise. I always felt that he was disappointed in me as he wanted a more "manly" son who liked boxing or football and I played badminton/chess (he was after all a sergeant major) . The reason for the secrecy surrounding the issue seems to be the shame/public disapproval that accompanied an illicit affair in 1940.
It is not too fanciful to assume that a fair percentage of births during WW2 were of doubtful parentage.