Disgusted by not enough toilet rolls and gaudy curtains!!

I always tell my clients that there is no such thing as a silly question but sometimes I really do have to stop myself  from laughing out loud on the phone at some things I get asked.

Here are my top 5 funniest questions and top 5 funniest complaints:

Funniest Questions

1 – I would like a balcony cabin but will it be under the water line?

I kid you not in that I have been asked this question at least five times. I normally reply if it is get off quick because you are sinking!

2 – Do we have to leave the ship to do shore excursions?

Unfortunately yes you do or else they would be Ship Excursions.

3 – How small does my face have to be to have the “mini facial”?

Not sure how to answer this without sounding sarcastic.

4 – What do the crew do with the ice carvings after they melt?

Again unsure how to answer this one!

5-  Do the crew live on board?

Nope they are brought on every day by crew helicopter

Others that amused me were:

Dp these stairs go up or down?

What time is the midnight buffet?

How do I know which photo is mine in the photo gallery?

Does the elevator go to the front of the ship?

Funniest Complaints

1 – There were too many foreign people on the ship and in the places we stopped at.

This is nearly as good as when my cousin had to move to Germany to be with her husband who was in the forces and said it was okay but they all spoke German!

2 – Picture Window

A gentleman once booked an ocean view cabin with me and on the confirmation it was described as a picture window. He called up ranting and raving that he did not want to look at a picture of a window. When I eventually calmed him down and explained he did see the funny side.

3 – Ocean View

In the same vein as number 4 one of my clients called me from the ship to say she had booked an Ocean View with Balcony and this is not what she had been given. I asked what could she see when she was sat on the balcony and she said the car park. I had to explain that when the ship left the port she would see the ocean!

4 – Toilet Rolls

A recent complaint was that there were only two toilet rolls in the cabin! How many do you need for two people on one given day is what I would have asked?

5 – Curtains

The curtains in the cabin were far too bright and gaudy and completely ruined the holiday. This lady actually wanted a full refund because of this.

Have you heard any funny complaints whilst travelling?

20 Comments on “Disgusted by not enough toilet rolls and gaudy curtains!!

  1. Mid-Atlantic on a crossing from Southampton to New York, I was talking to a couple, first timers, and asked how they were enjoying the crossing. The wife said it was very nice but she was very curious about those travelling ‘First Class’. I asked her what she meant? “I bet they have a better view than us?” I assumed she had an obstructed view balcony or window, but she added, “… because all we can see is the sea!” !

  2. When asked how she enjoyed her visit to Venice a lady replied that it was awful because the buildings were all so old

  3. I find all the Caribbean are not wheelchair friendly which is a great pity because using wheelchairs helps people become mobile except in these islands!!!!

    • Spain has a wheelchair access path on their beaches why can’t. They be built on all tourist spot.I find it very disrespectful when people discriminate against wheelchair people. Do you think we want to be in / a chair!!!!!!

  4. Are your clients all English? Some of these sound like Americans! ??

    • Never mind! Some Americans can actually speak quite good English, it’s the spelling that lets them down………..

      • Never mind! Some Americans can actually speak quite good English, it’s the spelling that lets them down………..

  5. I was on board and a lady was cruising for the first time..she had a picture window cabin and said she didn’t know how to open the window.

  6. When in San Francisco on Cunard I heard a passenger complaining it was ridiculous that it was foggy it was stopping her seeing Alcatraz and the ship should arrive when It was clear.

  7. I had the same problem in Italy, there was no dropped curbs and it was a duel carriage way and no safe island in the middle for my wheelchair to stop on, so seeing my dilemma a passing Police Car stopped and asked did I needed assistance getting across the road, he then proceeded to stop the traffic on his side while the other policeman in the car stopped the traffic on the oncoming side. I was never so pleased to see a Policeman in all my life. It was a six lane dual carriageway.

  8. I recall on an RCL ship some buffoon making a load fuss because in the Asian East restaurant they only serve ‘foreign muck’. … bless

  9. Spain has a wheelchair access path on their beaches why can’t. They be built on all tourist spot.I find it very disrespectful when people discriminate against wheelchair people. Do you think we want to be in / a chair!!!!!!

  10. Have not laughed so much for ages, not sinced my sister got on a ferry in Norway thinking she was on our cruise ship

  11. I met an American millionaire on a river cruise who wanted to know why they built locks as they impeded the travel of the craft.

  12. On a shore trip to Rome, when standing in front of St Peter’s in Vatican City, one of the ladies on the tour remarked…oooh there’s a nun…then… there’s another, this went on for a minute, then she turned to her husband and said…I’ve never seen so many nuns I wonder where they are coming from?

  13. Have not laughed so much for a long time keep up the good work

  14. Saw a review from a lady who said she would never book a cruise again and only gave it one star because the corridor was too long to walk to her cabin.

  15. I was on the Queen Victoria the other year from Southampton to Miami. It was when they were Having those terible Huricanes down South.The ship was rocking so badly ,I had a Balcony and the sea was Spraying that High.There weren’t many people about ,they stayed in their Cabins probably sea sick.Pots were flying and smashing in the Lido, There was only one calmish moment when I could manage to open my Balcony door.I put my hand on the rail and it was covered in dried salt as were the furniture and windows,it Looked like Ice.I dont usualy have a Balcony ,can’t afford to but it was a free upgrade.So you can imagine my disapointment.I put it down to my bad luck.But I overheard a woman Complaning that they dont clean the windows,she said she can’t see out of them.I cant believe anyone could be so arrogant as to expect someone to risk there life just to clean her windows every day.as they would get splashed again. it only calmed down the Last couple of days.They left a note saying to close the curtains as they would be cleaning the windows .I was hoping She would not have seen the message before seeing a man on her Balcony.and got a shock.She would have probably complained he was a peeping tom.We couldn’t pull in for Shore excursions .I was disapointed that we didn’t have any shows in the magnifisent Theatre.I bet a lot of people complained and tried to get their money back

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About Me

Some people are shopaholics, some are chocaholics and some like me are cruiseaholics! Okay you got me I am also a slight chocoholic as well. I guess my love affair for cruises began in the late 1970's when I used to watch "The Love Boat", which was an American TV…

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