Toilets on tour? what would you expect?

During my four years working on cruise ships as a shore excursions assistant, I have experienced many foreign places. I have answered so many questions on so many subjects at the tours desk. But by far the most commonly asked question is, when will the first stop be on my tour? I found myself on stage or at the shore excursions desk numerous times, explaining how and when toilets would be available and the correct use of the loo in foreign lands. One of the key concerns of clientele of a certain age is the availability of toilets and regular stops during shore excursions.
There are a host of words used in English for the WC / restroom / bathroom / ladies / gents / toilet / washroom / lavatory, to name but a few of the publishable ones. This confused my colleagues working at the tours desk from other countries as English was their second language. Each customer had a unique way of asking the same question with their own words for the ‘smallest room in the house’. Although we had the question often, each customer approached the subject with slight embarrassment. But then proceeded to give us a full medical history on how long they could go, without going…
So here are some of my top tips for toilets on tour;
Before your tour do not drink too much coffee or tea. This is hard to start off with as the waiters are attentive and want to top you up. I know its included in the cost of your cruise but its better to be safe than sorry. Just explain to the waiter that you are on tour and don’t want too much to drink.
Always take some water with you on tour. It’s safer to take it with you in a bottle for when you are thirsty, rather than be in a rush to let it out as you had too much fluid at breakfast.
Check with the guide on your coach whether the toilets are available to use. Some coach drivers won’t allow the toilet to be used on the coach as they hate cleaning them.
Take some change (money, not a change of clothes as that should not be necessary) with you to pay for public toilets. Make sure it is the local currency too as some toilet assistants are very strict worldwide, especially in Russia.
Expect the unexpected…

1) No toilet roll and a hose for washing or a cup and a bucket of water instead, Asia.
2) No toilet at all, just two foot plates to stand on and crouch in France and Italy.
3) A bin for the paper in Greece.
4) No doors in the cubicles or gaps so big you can see everything, USA.
5) Advised to go natural by the guide on a jungle trek with ladies on the left of the path and gents on the right.
Each country has their own way of doing their business. This is one of the many reasons people cruise to other countries to experience other customs and cultures. Most people then appreciate what they have when they return back home. There is truly ‘no place like home’ as Dorothy said in the Wizard of Oz.
I knew after a six month contract that I had been on board a cruise ship for too long when I missed the ships vacuum toilet sucking sound.

But I will leave the blocked toilet blog for another time…
For now, Happy cruising, I would be happy to answer any questions you have, to help you plan your next cruise and excursions in each of the ports. Feel free to contact me, Adrian Partridge 03333002480