Dearest Gentle Reader: What Would a Bridgerton-Themed Cruise Look Like?

• The Fantasy: We pitch the SS Whistledown, a theoretical cruise ship designed purely for the Ton, featuring a 'Modiste' at sea, Wisteria-draped decks, and a strictly enforced Empire-waist dress code.

• The Atmosphere: From string quartets playing Ariana Grande to a 'Pall Mall' lido deck, we explore the specific tropes that would make this the event of the season.

• The Reality: Why Cunard’s Queen Mary 2 - with the largest ballroom at sea and fencing classes - is the only choice for those wishing to live out their Viscountess dreams right now.

The social season is upon us once more.

With the return of Bridgerton to our screens, talk of the Ton has reached a fever pitch. But as we watched the debutantes promenading in the park and the Viscounts brooding in dimly lit studies, we couldn't help but wonder: What if the social season moved from Mayfair to the Mediterranean?

If the Queen were to commission a Royal Yacht for the season, it would need to be spectacular. So, adjust your corsets and ready your fans; here is exactly what we imagine life would look like aboard the fantasy vessel, the SS Whistledown.

Life Onboard the SS Whistledown

If we were designing the ultimate Regency ship, the "Lido Deck" simply wouldn't do. Here is what you would find onboard:

The Promenade Deck (Literally)

Forget jogging tracks. The top deck is transformed into a manicured English garden, complete with wisteria-draped gazebos and gravel paths.

It is the perfect place for a "casual" stroll with a suitor, all under the watchful eye of the Mama-drones (flying chaperones ensuring no ankles are exposed).

The Onboard Modiste

There are no duty-free perfumes here. Instead, you visit Madame Delacroix’s onboard boutique. Before the Captain's Cocktail Party, you must be fitted for a new gown.

The dress code is strictly "Empire Waist," and any gentleman attempting to enter the dining room without a cravat will be promptly thrown into the brig.

The Pall Mall Sports Court

Forget pickleball. The sports court is dedicated entirely to Pall Mall. However, be warned: the Mallet of Death is reserved exclusively for the Captain.

Disputes over the game are not settled by a referee, but by a duel at dawn on the aft deck.

The Ballroom Blitz

The main theatre is replaced by a candlelit ballroom. There are no Broadway-style shows; instead, a string quartet plays orchestral covers of Pitbull and Ariana Grande songs while you attempt the Quadrille.

If you dance more than twice with the same partner, you are legally required to marry them before the ship docks in Naples.

The Morning Newsletter

Forget the "Daily Programme" delivered to your cabin. Every morning, a scandalous pamphlet written by a mysterious author is slipped under your door.

It details exactly who was seen sneaking into the Premium Gelato Bar after midnight and which Duke was spotted without his waistcoat on the balcony.

The Next Best Thing

While the SS Whistledown remains a fantasy, you don't have to wait for a time machine to experience Regency elegance at sea. There is one ship that offers a genuine taste of the high society life.

Cunard's Queen Mary 2

If the Bridgertons booked a cruise today, they would sail with Cunard.

• The Ballroom: The Queen Mary 2 boasts the Queens Room, the largest ballroom at sea. It is a space of genuine grandeur, with crystal chandeliers, a high arched ceiling, and a massive wooden dance floor perfect for a waltz.

• The Activities: You can take actual fencing classes (perfect for settling disputes with a rival Duke) and enjoy a traditional Afternoon Tea served by white-gloved waiters to the sound of a harpist.

• The Dress Code: Cunard loves a Gala Evening. This is your chance to go full glam - tuxedos and ballgowns are not just encouraged; they are expected. It is the closest you will get to being the Diamond of the Season.

Ultimately, gentle reader, while we wait for a ship that offers mandatory cravats and scandal by the hour, one must make do with the finest offerings available.

Fortunately, sailing on the Queen Mary 2 is hardly a hardship for anyone wishing to escape the vulgarities of modern life.

Yours Truly, Lady W.